Partner’s Porn habit makes me insecure.
Let’s start with this, porn industry is one of the biggest industries in the world, and it is there because sex is natural and it is one of human basic needs. This needs make us vulnerable to a bunch of external stimulus that for good or for worse, the more you get the more you want to have. Some people don’t even notice sex is all around, from the simplest things to the most advanced ones. For example: look and publicity, marketing, food, movies and music industries, they are all related and they all play one of their most powerful cards, sex and pleasure. The more appealing is something for people, the easily will be to be sold.
What does this has to do with porn, and porn habits? again the more stimulus you get the more you will want, every day the world around us leads us to sex, your favorite movie, your favorite series and your favorite music, it is all sex related and if you or your partner already has a preference for this kind of entertainment things become almost inevitable.
When should you feel worried and when not?
First if you are honest men and women watch porn, the difference is the amount of time they use in it. Most men usually watch more porn because they like visual stimulus and porn is designed to be enjoyed by the view. Also, most porn is created for men, designed to please their fantasies, and deepest desires. Besides this, men usually see porn as normal, it is okay to watch it and have fun with it, thing most women have being discouraged to do.
You could be worried if:
Your partner uses most of the time of the day to watch porn.
If he or she leaves his/her regular activities by staying home with porn, for example: leaves its job, hobbies and other responsibilities for porn.
And /or if you feel he is no longer interested in something different than porn related activities.
If this is not the case you should consider this, why you may be feeling insecure?
Is it because you were taught porn is bad? Remember most sex related events are in our minds and the way we react to it is related to the way we were taught about relationships and sex. Still nowadays, many men and women feel porn is a taboo and it is forbidden. This prohibition sensation may work in some as a break and stops them from watching it, but for some others, it works in the opposite way making them look for it even more, to feel the adrenaline banned things give to some. So the way you feel about porn is the way you will react to your partner’s porn habits.
Going on, think on how do you feel about yourself? When there is something we feel it is not working well, this may affect the vision we have about other elements in our life. For example, self-confidence. How is the perception you have about your own body, do you feel comfortable in your own skin or do feel you are competing against the people shown in the porn movies? We all know men and women shown there are perfect or in the films they are shown as perfect. If this is the case you have to be aware they are not real, and if your partner is expecting from you that same perfection, tell him/her there is more plastic and surgery than flesh on those actors and actresses.
If what is affecting you is he/she wants you to do and act as he/she sees it in the movies this is matter of attitude. Again how do you feel about it? Porn is used for some as a source of inspiration, and some couples are willing to try one or two moves or fantasies they have seen in a porn movie, but any of the members of the couple should expect to take this behavior as a rule unless you both agree to it.
Going on, to try to discover what is making you feel this way, you need to realize if some of the previous elements are the ones that are affecting you, if these are not the reasons ask yourself: is the time she/he spends on it? Is the kind of porn he/she watches? Is the moment he/she dedicates to it what is making you feel uncomfortable? I knew once a person that was quite into porn, it was at any time and any moment, that person had his phone or his laptop and watched porn in the morning, at lunch even at dinner, and that person didn’t even cared if there were people around, it seemed like something out of control.
If you feel you are insecure about your partner’s porn habits, start first by recognizing what is really the problem for you. As soon as you have completed this step and know exactly what is bordering you, talk to your partner. Tell him/her the way this habit is making you feel and work on it. When couples learn to properly talk find most of their troubles were unsolved because they had a poor communication.
If the case is, you are the one who feels that are spending too much time on porn try this exercise: reduce as much as possible the time you spend on it, change the music you listen to, the movies you see. There are some people who watch porn because they are bored! If this is the case spend your time and energy in different activities, do sports, practice music, learn a language, do something you like! Remember that the same way porn may help you add something to your sex life; It can also be something harmful, for some men, an excess of porn may cause them difficulties with their erections or may even cause premature ejaculation, so whatever the case is, learn, talk and if you feel this is not quite the answer, you have been looking for, think this: if you love your partner you can always try to accept him/her the way he/she is, porn habits and all.