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Expanding your sexual arena

In this area I think we can start from the point: people usually regret more what they haven't done, than what they have done. Having this thought in mind and thinking on life in general and more in your sex life, most people is always curios about different aspects of their sexuality but feel afraid of experiencing them because they have been taught it is a taboo or they are afraid of sharing it with their partners. When we talk about sexual arena you can think con many aspects let’s talk a little about some of the things that may come to your mind.

Fantasies, there are sexual fantasies that may come into your mind. Actually these fantasies may be the matchsticks that turn on your internal fire and that work on your mood to turn you on. The funny thing in fantasies is that you can do anything, anywhere and with anyone with no complications at all. The fantasy world releases us from possible “judgments” done by our partner or family, our sex life is ours but sometimes people feel they have to correspond to the rest of the world, when it comes to their sexual life and that feeling stops them from bringing those fantasies into reality or they tend to feel guilt. What happens with guilt is that usually ruins all, when this state of mind manages to rule your thoughts and actions you become a prisoner of your desires.

How bad can this be? It depends on your culture, how were you raised, what were you taught about life and “normal” sexual behavior. Sometimes, you may get the courage to experience something new, but these guilt feelings come into your mind to stop you. Other people may stop themselves from expanding their sexual arena because they think on their partners, will this hurt him/her, is this going to affect my family, if I experience this openly how will my friends take it. As human beings we are used to live in groups, to be part of a society, and in too many occasions we take these values to rule every aspect of our lives, including something as personal and private as it is what we do in our bedroom or who we choose as our partner.

How can this be fixed? Should you be “selfish” and leave aside the rest of the world? Should you live according to the “rules” but feel unsatisfied? How can you know what is the best. I think you should start from this: are you single or are you in a committed relation? If you are single, you just have to think on your well being, and living each experience as best as possible and as safe as possible, the least you may want is to have something that may damage your future possibilities. Are you in a committed relationship? In this case you have to think in both, what you want and how are your partner’s feelings about that specific curiosity you feel about something, can you talk about it? How are your partner’s beliefs and feelings about those specific ideas? How open is your communication about sex topics. These questions may also apply if you are single, but think someone close to you may turn affected by your choices.

You need to be honest, analyze as best as possible the situation, the more conservative your beliefs or your partner’s beliefs the harder will be to include certain elements in your sexual life. There are still such old-fashioned thoughts that critic something as basic as masturbation, that could be unthinkable to include other topics, such as role-play, threesomes, swingers, domination, submission, masochism, sadism, all kind of fetish or having experiences with people from the same sex. You may not even know how is called what you like or what you feel curios about, but why should you feel it is all wrong. Before making any crazy decisions try to ask a professional, why a professional? Because this person will help you decide and as a professional should not include its personal values into the advices given.

No matter what you decide to do, always think what is the best for you and the people around you that may be affected by your decisions. Also consider how sure are you about this new experience you want to live. Sometimes there are ideas that come into our mind as a impulse you may feel that if you don’t have it, or don’t live it your life will be meaningless, but when living it may bring you huge consequences, please work as hard as possible to control that desire for a considerable time, hold it as much as possible, if after waiting that time the impulse continues you can think on how to make it true, on the other hand if that impulse is gone you will feel great because you have not caused yourself bigger problems.

Almost all in life has risks, how your sex life works will depend on you and how you manage things, are you a “selfish” person that places itself over the rest, or are “giver” that sets the rest of the world’s desires over his/her own. Balance is not always easy to find, always try to do as best as possible making an effort to avoid hurting those you care about. You can also think on the results of your actions, will it worth to cause this or that for my curiosity? for a simple impulse? Or on the contrary, again it depends on your personality; will I forgive myself for letting this go, for stopping myself from living what I want and how I want it?

There is an expression that says something like, if you have doubts better stop, but it doesn’t mean it is the right answer for you. If your question is: are your sexual life and experiences above all? Then the answer is: try it all, but if you think there is something more in life than sex, think twice before starting to expand your sexual arena.

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