Is your relationship right for you - are you following or taking the lead in your life.
To be with someone is one of the most challenging things you may do. It is not easy to meet the right person, and then when you meet him or her you are not sure how to go on.
First as in many things in life, you have to find a balance; you need to know what you are looking for but you shouldn’t stick either to an endless list of requirements. Men and women can have different interest and specifications when it comes to find a partner. Let’s be honest most people meet or notice the opposite sex by the way they look, but believe it or not this is not necessarily the most important element.
Then you need to know what are you looking for? Are you looking for a long term relationship or is it a one night stand? You need to be clear on those aspects if you want to identify if you are taking the lead or if you are just following the flow of events in your life.
Also you need to know what you want, if you are not sure about this, it turns hard to know if the relationship you are in, is right for you. Have you ever thought about it? Have you been aware of the simplest things? If you have been with someone for a period of time, have you thought what do you have in common? If you want something to last, the smallest things are the ones that count, what do you like to do when you are at home? Do you like to watch TV, read or listen to music? Do you prefer staying at home on weekends or go out? Are you both organized or are you both a mess? These little details will count long term because, after some time this will be the things that will create your routine. Sometimes in the first stages of a relation these small things are left aside for the passion, and sometimes people spend too much time in relations that in the simple stuff do not match.
It is highly known that in the first stages of a relation, passion, lust, chemistry and sex are the main engine and fuel for both partners, but it is also know that these intense stages are part of our biological mechanisms. This system is designed to increase the chances of reproduction and human race’s survival. Sex can make you happy, but sometimes this starts to change, and as it changes you can notice the smallest differences become huge and create troubles in the relation.
You also need to be honest with yourself and have your eyes open when it comes to how is your partner with you. Does he/she shows the same interest in you as you show for him/her? When you really like or even love someone, you can unconsciously skip the “bad” things. You definitely have to be aware of how interested is that person in you, because if this interest is not similar you may be forcing a situation, pressuring something to happen that is not meant to be. For example, how often do you call or text him/her? Do you find yourself making a huge effort to spend time together or to have a simple meal together? Is his/her priority everything else but you? If you find you are the one pushing the situation please think twice. Things may work this way for you, and may make you be with the person you “really like or even love” but is this the way you want to expend the rest of your life? Pursuing that “dream”. I say chasing because if that person does not show the same interest in you, you are the one running after him or her.
Avoid copying patterns. There are family stories that may affect your relations and you may not even know it. There are pretty bad relations, we may have seen around us during our childhood and adolescence, that may have made us think cheating or violence are “ok” and they are not. Sometimes, some men and women are taught forgiveness is all, and those “bad things” are an expression of love, but they aren’t. If you see you are living a relation similar to it look for help and learn to love yourself. Sometimes you are so emotionally hurt that you don’t notice what is happening is wrong. When you really love yourself you are able to see something as simple as this: will you allow other person to intentionally hurt you?
Please keep in mind there is nothing like a perfect relationship. Human beings are not perfect! How can you create something perfect with imperfect components? We all have our defects, and to be able to create a healthy relation both of you have to want it, you both have to have the desire to work on it, there must be love and a good communication. I know the communication thing is too hackneyed but usually all can be solved talking, not fighting, talking. Again things can work if both have the commitment to work on it.
And last but not least, are you happy? Does this person make you happy? This answer may reveal you the response to the initial question: is your relationship right for you? Think on how happy you feel, how good does this person treats you, how interested is in you and on your wellbeing, is your partner there for you in the bad moments? Does he/she help you in the low times, When you are tired, sad, lost or worried? Does this person understand you? Again it is hard to create a “perfect” relationship and even a lot of people may base their entire world on sex, it is not all, there may be a point in your life when you may want something more, and to get it as best as possible, you have to think in deeper aspects, and also in those big and small things you need from the other in daily life.