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Soulmate SEARCH

Searching for your soulmate can be a bad thing

Everyone who has ever dated has the vision of what their perfect partner would be, in essence their soulmate. You build up all the ideals of this soulmate on a pedal stool so sure that when you have found that one person your life will be perfect and you will be whole again. With many ideals of what is wanted in a soulmate being plucked from Disney movies and classic literature such as Wuthering Heights or Pride and Prejudice the perfect person surely can’t be that hard to find, and out of the seven Billion people that inhabit the world the one perfect soulmate is definitely out there for you to find right? …. possibly but then again possibly not!

A soulmate is much more than a partner and finding them is the ultimate goal within a relationship, they are by definition someone that you feel completely compatible with and completely in tune with, without sounding corny they are in fact simply the other half of you with both of your souls seemingly entwined and in perfect sync with each other. However, what if by searching for this elusive soulmate you are actually hindering your romantic relationships as you are not giving enough attention or due care to the relationship you are in, in short you do not give your relationships a chance during your search for the one.

For example, all relationships go through phases with the first phase being infatuation, everything is perfect, you can’t stop thinking about that other person and how wonderful they and are willing to spend every minute that you can in their company. As wonderful as this initial phase is it cannot be sustained forever and essentially only lasts for a matter of months. After this, little things will start to be noticed, it will be more prominent that things you partner does irritates you and thus if you have the notion of the perfect soulmate you may start viewing your relationship negatively and decide your partner couldn’t possibly be your soulmate allowing unrealistic ideals and expectations get in the way of your relationship. Equally you may also feel that with your ideals of a perfect partner and relationship that you do not have to work so hard at a relationship as if they aren’t your soulmate it’s a pointless relationship subsequently causing you to simply give up on the relationship, move and on look for your soulmate, thus the circle continues.

So how do you break this habit?

  1. Realise that the intense whirlwind of passion that comes at the start of the relationship and feeling like you have found the one is not sustainable. The intense physical chemistry that comes with the start of a relationship is impossible to sustain and will fade considerably overtime. This does not mean the person you are with is not the right person for you, just that your relationship is going through the normal phases that all relationships go through.

  2. The ideal notion that you have of the perfect love, partner and relationship essentially may leave you feeling heartbroken. This tends to happen after a relationship has ended and you are reminiscing about the ‘one that got away’. We have all been there and it sucks, however if the relationship was meant to be and you were true soulmates then ultimately you would have worked and stayed together and thus by not working that relationship was not your happy ending with your perfect partner.

  3. It is a radical idea but also entirely probable that you do indeed have more than one soulmate, in fact many people believe that their friends or even their pets are part of their circles of soulmates. I happen to believe that my best girl friend is one of my soulmates, that doesn’t make my relationship any less valid but it is validation on a different level. Explore this and it may make your relationship more successful.

  4. Many children growing up watching Disney movies, it is after all a worldwide institution that has survived the course of time by selling the ultimate fairy tale. However outside of Disney fairy tales do not exist, there is no handsome prince waiting to rescue us while we are sat there waiting to be found. Real life and relationships are hard and although Disney is a wonderful thing it is not a realistic notion to look up to, if you want a realistic viewpoint then Moana is the Disney princess that has it all sussed out.

  5. Evoke the work-through-it mentality. By all means keep hold of that dream of a soulmate, but don’t give up on a relationship simply because it is tough or the aren’t what you expected as you may have given up on your soulmate a long time ago just because you didn’t work through the issues. The work through it mentality essentially is taking the good and bad in equal parts and seeing them as a part of life and accepting that there will be trials, tribulations and hardships in every relationship allowing you to resolve issues and make allowances when necessary.

So there you have it, some simple suggestions on how to make relationships more workable, showing that instead of tirelessly searching for your soulmate you should allow yourself to open up yourself and your soul to an individual that you believe is deserving of that. Everybody is special and completely unique, not one single person in this world is perfect and if you are both willing to work on that relationship then it is a relationship that could flourish in to the perfect blending of two souls into one over time.

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