Sexual intercourse results in genuine pleasure only sometimes. One possible reason for this is that couples are too shy to talk about it. A few steps will help to share your desires with a partner without embarrassment.
It is worthy of note that desires, as well as mood, are constantly changing. Today one wants a loving and tender relationship, tomorrow the wish could be a tough and hard sex. Instead of expecting your partner to guess your dreams, tell him/her about them.
1. Stop being shy
It is usually embarrassing to talk about sex preferences because of the fear that the partner will misunderstand you. For most people, talking about sex is a taboo learned from childhood. For others, sex is a very personal matter, and it is extremely difficult to talk about it. Therefore, the first thing to do in order to start a conversation is dropping the constraint. Talking about sex, as well as doing it, is not a shame. To overcome the constraint, start a conversation with a few distant things like preferences. Do not be afraid to say 'I want'. Also, tell about your wishes during sex. It is much easier to talk during the process because at this moment you do not feel shameful. Therefore, start voicing your desires while having sex, and do not forget about compliments and a light discussion after.
2. Speak clearly and confidently
Another big mistake is to explain what you want with hints. First, only a few people understand the hints. Secondly, a person can understand a hint in another way. It is worthy of note that the partner also gets pleasure if you feel good. Sex is not a game for one. If you are afraid to voice your secret desires, start with short sentences: 'softer', 'tenderly', 'faster', 'slower'.
3. Think about desires and preferences.
One more frequent problem is that people do not know what they want and what they love. If you are not ready for experiments, then consider what you like. Ask yourself a few questions.
What kind of foreplay do you like?
What poses do you prefer?
Why do you like these poses?
What are you dreaming of?
When you think about sex, what poses or kinds of caressing do you imagine?
Most often, our brain gives a hint about our preferences or hidden desires in the sexual fantasies or erotic dreams. If you understand exactly what you want, then it will be much easier to voice it.
4. Find out what the partner wants
This is the easiest part. In order to learn about the preferences of the partner, it is not always necessary to speak. Watch him/her during sex. This does not mean that you need to look into your partner's eyes. Try, experiment, give way your imagination.
Start with foreplay, pay attention, which actions result in the greatest pleasure. It is not so difficult to understand. Sounds, breathing, gestures, and even requests are your hints.
After sex, remember what you liked most, and what poses your partner preferred.
The next step is already a conversation. Ask if he/she likes this or that.
Fantasies go next. Perhaps you should try the simplest sex toys or role-playing games. Alternatively, you could have sex in the kitchen, hallway or bathroom.
5. When to talk about sex
Each conversation has its place and time. If you voice momentary desires that make the process better and bring it closer to the peak of pleasure, then you could say it during sex.
Imagine the situation. After sex, you said you would like more gently and slowly. First, the partner might feel disappointed that you did not say it earlier. Secondly, he/she will remember and do what you want next time. But desires are changing. Yesterday you wanted tenderness, but today you can dream of a passionate rough sex.
Another thing is the subsequent discussion of what you like. You can make a compliment, say that you appreciate some pose or movement. Talking about it in the process does not make sense, because it can knock off the rhythm. Moreover, it turns out that you are discussing sex instead of having it.
The third option is to talk about secret desires and fantasies. Sincere talk about sex could be an extremely thrilling foreplay. This is the first argument. The second is that the realization of fantasy sometimes requires preparation: moral or material.
6. How not to offend?
There are several simple rules. Do not look for negative moments, notice only the things you like the most. The exception could be when you feel hurt or unpleasant. In this case, you will not offend, but avoid problems. In other cases, the discussion of the negative things will not lead to good results. But if you say that it was good, next time it will be even better, because he/she will know about your desires.
Do not strive to talk a lot during sex. Yes, you can direct or suggest. The main thing is not to turn sex into a morning conversation with a cup of coffee and a newspaper or to be in the role of a teacher of an inexperienced student. Or else you make your partner feel uncomfortable as if he/she can not do anything. This will affect his/her self-esteem, and he/she is unlikely to soon want to repeat.
Remember that sex is a mutual pleasure. Agree, it's nice to feel that your beloved one want you passionately. And you know for sure how to make him/her feel pleasant. Therefore, do not be afraid to discuss. As a result, the process will not be trivial, like brushing your teeth, but those that are pleasant to think and remember.
To sum it up,
forget about the constraint;
speak clearly;
think about what you want;
find out what your partner wants;
choose the right moment;
speak of good things.
Good luck and mutual pleasure!