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Why men and women cheat

Human beings are pretty complex. Our bodies, thoughts and feelings are practically unique and if besides our basic configuration we add cultural elements the story becomes much more complicated.

In Occidental culture a couple is mostly created by two people who try to establish and create a long term relationship. This relationship may be turn into legal responsibilities like marriage or not but the deal here is that their goal is usually to be together and be happy together.

Again this is how things happen in Occidental culture because there are many parts of the world that are used to make things really different, and families and "couples" are made from more than two.

There are specialists that indicate that the main reason to create a couple and later a possible family with tight bonds is to be able to provide the best conditions to the children that may result from that union.

But, there is always a “but”, people are together for more than having kids, a couple usually looks for more, for other qualities in the person who is next to them in the path of life.

What can be that "thing" most men and women are looking for? What guides them when it comes to settle down with someone? For some the reasons are: passion, sex, safety, economy, create a family or whatever you may think; what does it have to do with cheating? Usually what happens when someone cheats his/her partner is that one or more of these elements are missing in the relationship.

Believe it or not no matter how much you love someone, there are still temptations out there, you may not be looking for, but still there are too many people out there, they may not even be hotter than your current partner but still they have something that really attracts you to them.

If you are still wondering why men and women cheat, let’s review them one by one:

Attention and feelings. When you begin a relationship, sometimes it seems like the center of your world is your partner, when the time passes things tend to change, or there are other elements incorporated to the relationship, for example overworking, the arrival of babies, or any other thing that may change the attention from your partner to these other areas. This lack of attention may make him/her feel he/she is now loner important to you. Your partner may feel lonely and not loved even you live in the same place. These two elements believe it or not, may make your partner to look for that attention you used to give him/her in someone else. Men and women may not be looking for someone to cheat on you, but things may start with something as simple as having someone to talk to, someone who dedicates time to listen to his/her worries when the current partner is not available. These kinds of small and innocent bonds may grow and turn into another kind of relationship. That is why it is really important to try to keep those simple things present at all times, love, attention and communication.

Sex. You may include sex as the number one cause for cheating specially the lack of it. Sometimes especially after the initial stages, for some couples sex is left aside. When both agree the frequency of the encounters, this is not a problem they both know and feel comfortable with the fact that other commitments are important too, and even they know sex is really important, they feel this is not the main focus of their relationship; they also know they make their best effort to share this especial moment together as many times as possible.

Unfortunately this is not the most common case. There are couples that are at different stages in the same relationship and most of the time when this happens, it brings some consequences with it. What happens here is that sex in one of the basic needs of human beings beside sleep and food. This is a natural instinct and basically it feels like when you need it you need it. There are some people that try to control themselves, to be faithful, but there is a point in which this self-control disappears. The mind finds its ways and excuses to justify infidelity. But before getting to this if you feel this is what is causing difficulties in your relationship, please! Talk to your partner! Sometimes you give for granted he/she knows what the problem is, you may feel he/she is denying you sex on purpose and this may not be the case. The lack of communication about things you consider important may harm you and your partner, if you feel it is uncomfortable to talk about the need of sex imagine how uncomfortable may it be to be caught cheating.

In summary both, men and women cheat, beside time, attention, communication and sex, another cause of cheating may be revenge. Some people cheat because their partner has cheated on them and some other because they “think” their partner has cheated on them. Sounds crazy? It is more common than you think. Some people who have being cheated want revenge, they want the person that has hurt them to feel the same pain they have felt. Honestly, do you think a relationship that gets to this point is something that should go on? There are cases in which couples have being able to overcome this inconvenient situation but it requires from a lot, again a lot of work, forgiveness and commitment.

Before exposing yourself and others to the pain this may bring think twice. Even most of the events that end up in cheating are not planned, if you have the opportunity to reflect before falling into a hurricane of confusion, consider this: do you want to remain in your current relationship, why? What is really pushing you to someone`s else arms? Will this adventure really fill your expectations? And, does the risk worth it? Most people cheat because they don’t want to risk what they already have, so if you value it, work on it.

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